“Watch for big problems. They disguise big opportunities.” ~Ritu Ghatourey
After many years of being the “dumper” in the relationship, I then spent many years being the “dumpee.”
Even after I had worked through all of that karma that I had instilled upon myself, when it came time for my last break-up, it was finally a mutual decision. Still, it left me feeling lost and incomplete.
I had never felt happier with any other man, and at the same time, I knew I deserved better. We both loved each other so much, but we found ourselves growing apart.
It took a long time and a lot of healing in order to begin to function again, and to fill my life with love again. Except this time, the love came in a different form. It came in the form of loving myself.
Along the way, I learned that a break-up can be a beautiful thing. Here’s why:
1. You get space to analyze what went wrong.
Without your partner around, you can look at the relationship as a whole.
Notice how you contributed to it, which can be difficult to see at first. For example, maybe you got angrybecause he stopped calling as frequently, and you let him know it. And when he finally did call, perhaps you expressed your anger again rather than praising him for calling.
Maybe she became more distant, and yet even with this factor, there is room for improvement with communication on both sides.
After some time, look to see how you can improve yourself or make wiser decisions the next time around.
2. It gives you space to fully heal you.
Normally we spend our times healing from relationships we have had with specific people. But if we take the time to look at the bigger picture, we can look to see if there’s a certain pattern that keeps repeating.
Are you dating women who remind you of your ex? Have you given yourself enough time to get over the last guy? Do you tend to date a certain type of person?
Whatever it is, we now have an opportunity to fully heal that wounded and sometimes buried part of ourselves that’s causing the repeating behavior (or repeating bad boy), so that we enter the next relationship more whole and happy.
3. It gives you time to take up a new hobby.
I know there is something you’ve been yearning to try. Maybe you’ve thought about it every day for three years, or maybe you have forgotten about it. Remember it.
What is it? Is it kickboxing? Cooking? Learning Italian? Finally having the time to read more? Play poker? Exploring your city? Exploring nature? Learn astrophysics? What is it? Give yourself the time to do that.
4. It creates space for more risk-taking.
Without having to worry about your partner’s reaction to something, you can go all out and do what you want. You can make bold choices just for you.
Maybe give yourself that haircut that you’ve been wanting, but that your ex said he would hate. Or paint your nails with crazy patterns. Go all out and watch how your attitude shifts.
5. Now you have more time to get in touch with your creative side.
Creativity will add so much fun to your life. When you are creative, your soul thanks you. What could you do to get more in touch with your creative side?
Maybe you’ve wanted to paint a mural of a monkey in your bedroom. Or do you have the perfect app that you’ve been meaning to create which will be so stellar you’ll be rolling in cash? What about that book you’ve been meaning to write? Or the flute you’ve been meaning to learn how to play? Well, now’s your chance! Get out there and go for it!
6. Reconnect with old friends, and make new friends.
This is a chance to go out and be more social than you’ve ever been. You may not feel like it right away; however, I can guarantee it is a fabulous distraction, and puts you in a position to move forward with your life.
You never know who you could meet. You could have a new best friend by going out the one time you don’t feel like it, or you could meet your next business partner.
These are people whom you may have never connected with, but by you taking that step and putting yourself out there, you are doing so much benefit for yourself. Your results will be better than you imagined.
7. You now have a chance to “up your game” in your career.
What does your career need from you, and how could you advance? Now you have more time to take on that extra project that leads to your promotion, or to finally start your new part-time catering or graphic design business on the side. Where could that take you? You’ll never know until you take that first step.
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Although a break-up might seem devastating, in many ways it can be seen as a blessing. Something wasn’t working out, or wasn’t in alignment with your greatest and highest interest—even if it seemed like it, and even if you can’t see it that way right now.
Allow yourself an appropriate amount of time to mourn your loss. After all, it is a major life change when you break up with your partner. Once you are through mourning, the fog begins to clear.
The universe loves to fill gaps. So as long as we fill our gaps with positive things, rather than negative ones, our lives can improve. We can learn the lessons and learn to accept the reality, and ultimately improve both ourselves and our livelihoods long-term.